we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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