don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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