Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
