How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
