I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Randomize
