Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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