Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
