I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
