how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
