God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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