were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
