i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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