lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
