I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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