all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
