Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
