ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
