Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
