Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
