and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
