Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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