I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
