you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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