If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
