On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
