WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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