Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
