I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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