Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
