Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
