Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
