420 ftw
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
