Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm both gender and math confused
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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