OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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