Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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