I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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