I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
