No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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