dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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