I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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