It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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