I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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