just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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