I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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