I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
