I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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