he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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