i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
