My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
