We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
