I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
